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Big changes this year

It has been a while since I posted in here. The last post was ages ago, reflecting on the fact that my livejournal has existed for over a decade.

That project I spoke about? It was a game. IS a game. Specifically a tabletop roleplaying game. I quit my job at the end of August of last year at Energ2 in order to pursue it full time. It was going well at first, but then in October I hit a rough patch - a rough patch that lasted until the beginning of January.

The truth was that my original plan - my original timeline - was a bad joke at my expense. Well, sort of. I suspect my actual guesses about time were fairly accurate, but my guesses for when I would get stuff done by? Hopelessly, hopelessly overoptimistic. I still think I am being so, but hey, fly or die, right?

But I am happy. I am happy because I feel like this is the first thing I have legitimately done to try and break from what is expected of me by others and upgrade to what is expected of me by myself. I expect the world from myself. In fact, I expect MORE than the world from myself. Merely living up to the expectations of others just isn't enough for me. I need to be impressed by myself. And while I don't impress myself overall, I feel like I am actually on the path to being truly awesome.

Of course, I could fail horribly. But I don't think I will if I actually put in the effort. If I don't just put something out, but actually, genuinely try. Truly trying, for a sustained period of time, is a very different thing for me - I've always been able to avoid it in the past, even when working, even when my work was excellent, I STILL wasn't trying my hardest. I can see that now. And I have seen just what I can do when I do try.

We'll see how much I post here again. But I am well, and perhaps better than I have been since 2003.

And yes, I am working at 5 am. Why? Because I didn't get enough done during the day yesterday. Not that I mind really; apparently my sleep cycle is completely cycling about every two weeks. I went to sleep last night at 8 am. Healthy, I know. But at least I am getting stuff done today.